The Beginning

Last year, after hearing what seemed like the one millionth report of another innocent black man being slaughtered by the police, I fell on my knees in distress. “Why God?!” I cried. “Why do black people suffer so much in this country? Why do we keep getting murdered and no one is held accountable? Why are we always in lack, in trouble, in distress?” And then my cries turned to angry rant “And our president does nothing, He is brown and aware of our struggle yet it doesn't seem like he cares or can help us. Who will help us?! Why can’t another leader be raised up to get us out of this mess?! I’m tired of it Lord. It’s just not fair. I am sick and tired of it! What are we supposed to do?!”

 God heard me and he gave me peace after that prayer. But I was still on my knees because I truly wanted an answer to all of my requests. Finally, the Holy Spirit moved me to ask, “Lord, what can I do to help?” The answer would come within weeks. 

 I could help the black community, my people (who are disproportionately underprivileged, undervalued, and unacknowledged in America) by getting married. I was single and raising two children on my own. I had 2 degrees, a decent job and was doing the best I could, as most single mothers do. But I was also very aware that my children were at risk for negative statistics. I had no husband, so no father for them and I was raising a son. A future black man. With no father in sight. That’s a problem!

 God, through various resources and information I found on the topic of marriage, wifehood and femininity, made it super clear that marriage was the answer to the black community’s problem.

ONLY STRONG MARRIAGES can strengthen, uplift, teach, mold, nurture, protect and help an entire community. One where the father is a masculine leader and the mother is a feminine nurturer. In this ideal model, the father is the breadwinner and the mother is the housewife. The children, be it home-schooled or in traditional schooling, receive the emotional, social, physical, as well as physiological support that they need to be well-rounded and successful people. Who then are able to marry and reproduce a family like the one they grew up in. Maybe we can call this the Cosby Model? Although Claire Huxtable was far from a housewife, she was still the family’s head nurturer.

It is difficult for children to reproduce that which they have never been exposed to. How does the fatherless son of a single mother grow to be an amazing husband? Maybe if he is tutored and trained by good men who are good husbands too, the young boy stands a high chance of being an amazing husband, father and man himself. But it is difficult to be a full man without growing up in a family with a good man. Of course, there are exceptions to EVERY rule. But if we just use exceptions to teach things or discuss issues, learning would never occur. 

 Anyway, this was God’s answer to me: you cannot save the whole world Dominique, but you can save your family. And many others in turn. But you have to marry a good man. So that man can be your leader, protector and provider. This way, you can properly nurture your children and they can see how a husband/father and wife/mother operate. If your children see this family model, they will repeat it and if this continues for many generations, the black family is saved. 

 What an answer, right?! Of course, there may be many who disagree. These words are not for them. I think it is high time we step aside from complaining about the problem and accept being the answer.  One marriage can affect an entire lineage. 

 This is how the black family is to be saved: one marriage at a time. Without a leader, women have to be their own. This causes a woman to become hardened,  bitter, stressed,sad and much less feminine. A woman like this is susceptible to many illnesses, hardships and her attractiveness takes  nosedive. Everyday these type of women are raising children on their own and the home is broken. Because mama cannot do it all. She wasn't made to do it all. Mamas need love. Mamas need husbands. Yes you can buy the bacon and fry it up in the pan, but seriously who really wants to? Why I gotta buy the bacon AND fry it?! Can I get some help please?

 That last question has probably ran through every single mother’s mind at least a billion times: Can I get some help please? Yes! Yes you can get some help because you NEED help.

But you are going to have to change some things dear sister so you can attract that good, masculine man you and your children need. There are a bajillion books, blogs and resources that deal with femininity and upping your attraction to masculine men. I suggest checking them all out!

 After receiving word from the Lord that marriage was the answer to my community's woes, I went to social media to share the news. It was not well received. You see, many people no longer value marriage, and they definitely do not value the traditional structure of masculine man and feminine woman.This made me so sad but you see the enemy has tricked so many people: if he can keep the family broken, he can keep our generations cursed. Faithlessness is a curse and too many black children lack this very important person in their lives. Single motherhood is not a badge of honor, it is a curse as well. It is difficult to work like a man day in and out and lack romantic love. 

 When a woman goes on mothering without a proper husband she is missing a big thing: CARE. Who will tell her she looks pretty in her dress, kiss her face, love her body, wipe her tears,and give her love and care when she is sick? Who will father her children, demand respect when she cannot, block her stress, provide for her needs, and use his masculine hands, body, voice and presence to bring peace to her day? 

 Those who are married/in serious relationships yet preach singleness are hypocrites!

 If you are single and a mother and reading this, you KNOW that something is missing. Yes, the church can help and donate rent, yes your girlfriends can tell you you're pretty, yes your degrees make you feel accomplished, yes your job...well, be honest...it works your nerves!, yes your father/brother/childrens coach/barber/boyfriend can step in when Little Johnny is unruly or make you feel good or happy when you're in despair, but nothing, absolutely NO thing can beat the masculine protection and care of a good husband. Please do not ignore the word good, because those with bad husbands or bad marriages or just plain ole bad attitudes about life will try to preach otherwise.