10 ways to hold your man’s attraction and attention, during dating, without giving sex

Re: Can you hold a man's interest without sex?

I recently came across a post where a woman asked how she could keep a  man’s full attention in dating without sex? The group members' responses to the asker were okay but I know I can do better. You see, God precisely trained me for this role. And it may be why he has allowed me to stay single for so long! I have things to teach and things to share so I am going to get it out before my last name changes.

Look, I am not on here to teach you how to get a husband. How can I mentor you on something I don’t yet have? But I am here to mentor you on or maybe even model for you how to be….single and Godly. Single and holy. Single and feminine despite life’s troubles and woes. If you don’t want to be, then I don’t think you will be single all your life. ‘But whether single or married we must continually bring honor and glory  to the Lord in all that we say, believe and do.



I know it’s hard dating without sex but it’s a must for women who claim to know, love and serve the one true God.

You see, I don’t really believe woman WANT to give sex while dating. Not Christian women, anyways. We know too much about the consequences (spiritual, physical, and otherwise) and we have too much of God's Word on the inside of us to just be out here living in sin all willy-nilly. No, we don’t give sex because we want to defy our God. We don’t give sex because we’re loose women with uncontrollable urges. We don’t give sex because it’s what we think the man wants.  We give sex because we are lazy.

Real relationships take work. Real healthy relationships take even more work. Real healthy relationships that don't include sex take THE MOST work!

 Nobody wants to do the work on themselves or their relationship to make it great so they drop their clothes and give sex to boyfriends like it’s going out of style.

 Do not let television, or social media dupe you: there is no premarital sex without consequence!



So, here we go:  10 ways to hold your man’s attraction and attention, during dating, without giving sex. Also known as “The list to help you please your God AND your man!



1. Show him your talents (the ones OUTSIDE of the boudoir!): Consider this dating phase one big talent show and show him what you’ve got. Invite him to your art shows, sing for him during that cutesy lil picnic at the park you planned, ask him to tag along with you to Zumba. The dating phase is the time to share your passions with your man. Let him know what makes you happy, what makes you smile. He needs to know these things if he intends to make you happy in the future.   If you like board games whip them out and play a few rounds. Go bowling, play tennis, plan to meet up and workout together, go to seminars and workshops on subjects that interest both of you. Do things that make you laugh and make you happy with him.

2. Show him your grace. Feminine grace is one huge way feminine women attract masculine men. Feminine grace includes vulnerability, touch, playfulness, affection, attention, respect, serving, blocking drama, using a sing-song voice at times, caring for the home, and all the wonderful nuances that make feminine women irresistible to masculine men. Every time you are with your man, use feminine grace. Give him back massages, call him by a pet name you gave him, be affectionate and soft around him, let him lead!, speak to him in a fun, sing-songy voice, be playful and silly and a little goofy, be open to sharing your emotions and crying in front of him. Let him know that you are not a vagina! You are a woman with feelings. And also, you need to know that he is NOT a penis. He is a man who you must trust since he’s all in your life and whatnot. If you would trust him with your body them it is only logical that this man can be trusted with your emotions.

3. Show him your drive. What are your ambitions in life? Where do you want to be? What do you want to do? Ambition is sexy! Sharing ambition is two-fold: in sharing yours he will share his. Can you see yourself with him long time? Does he fit in your life? Do you fit in his? Before hopping in bed with one another you need to figure out if you’re dealing with Mr. Right..or Mr. Right Now.

4. GET A LIFE! You should be busy and have hobbies. While it is important in romance to make time for each other, your job should not be waiting by that phone to ring. No ma’am. You are a woman with purpose and direction. You have moves to make. Don’t be boring. Your life cannot just be work and home. Don’t be lazy. Hobbies take time and effort, I know. But they also help us in relieving stress. If you can’t have sex you need to have something that’s going to relieve the stress: group classes at the YMCA, horseback riding. Crossfit, pottery, language classes, Bible Study, Salsa lessons, traveling, …these are all viable options to hobbying it up so that you a) don’t get lazy and have sex with a boyfriend, b) stay emotionally and mentally stimulated, and c)stay positioned to receive the blessings God has in store for you. Because whether this boyfriend works out or not God has plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope! (this promise is found in Jeremiah 29:11). You having a life of your own is a HUGE turn-on for your man and will keep his interest peaked while dating. No need to spread your legs. Just get a life!

5. Refuse to be an eternal girlfriend. It is no bueno to date for years and years on end. Dating for 5 years without sex is possible but HIGHLY unreasonable! During dating you and your guy should be having talks about marriage and the dating timeline. What you two decide is on you but any dating relationship over 12 months without sex is not going to be fun. Get premarital counseling early on so you can talk your views out with  a trained and Godly professional. But if you and your man are in Christ, he should know by month 3 if you are his wife or no. And that brings me to my next point…

6. Only date men of God. A man of God is still a man and can be tempted (or tempting) but if he is really living for Christ he will stand strong in his profession of faith and not cross that line with you without marriage. Again, see your pastor together with him. Get some accountability partners. Married couples in the church who can oversee you all’s relationship and ensure it is kept pure. There is a blogger, Heather Lindsey (@HeatherLLove)who talks extensively about her Godly dating practices that led to a beautiful marriage with her husband. Please check her out for more info.

7. Be unavailable at times. If you have a life you cannot pick up every call or answer every text. You cannot always say yes to those last-minute or even well-planed dates. You just can’t! Available women, I mean those who are ALWAYS available, are not interesting. Men like to chase, so give him one!

8. Be mysterious. Feminine mystique is real. Go do your research!

9. Pray. And ask God for wisdom and insight. No use making big plans with someone who won’t count this time next year. The Holy Spirit is always at the ready to give us revelation concerning our relationships. Invite God in your relationship and ask him to guide your steps and thoughts. It won’t always be easy but when we refuse to leave God out of the most important parts of our lives, something amazing happens. He begins to do exceeding things, great things, more things than we could have imagined or asked (this promise is found in Ephesians 3:20)

10. Lighten Up. You guys are just dating. Maybe he’ll marry you, maybe he won’t. Have fun. Relax. Enjoy this time. This is a beautiful and freeing season in your life. If you desire to be, you will be married soon enough. Use this time to know yourself, grow yourself, forge a closer connection with God, travel the world and really figure out what it is you want in life.

Sex was not designed to help a woman keep a man or get a man; sex was designed by God for procreation and to unite husband and wife physically and spiritually. Let’s return the sexual escapades back to their rightful place (marriage!) and leave the bedroom meetings to the married folks.

Happy Dating!