The Sacrifices We Make
Do not let your children live in ignorance of your sacrifices….
“I will literally go hungry so that you can eat”
 |
| Fun Fact about pelican symbolism below*: |
I had just told my children to eject a movie they’d set
their sights on watching. It was R-rated and totally inappropriate, so they were
asked to eject it ( I didn’t buy the movie and it’s not my house, but it was my
place to prevent them from watching it). They huffed, puffed, whined “whyyyy??” and upon
ejecting, I heard some mumbling under the breath. I was hurt. Why? Because I
would do anything for my children: rescue them from a burning building, stand
in front of a moving bus, go hungry so they could be fed, stop them from watching
movies that could potentially be dangerous to their psyche- I would do anything
for them because I love them and it hurts me when that love is not appreciated
or reciprocated.
And how can it truly ever be, right? I mean, I am the one
who carried each of them for 9 months, labored to bring them in the world and then
I keep laboring to keep them in this world: safe, clothed, fed, nurtured,
loved, educated, spiritually covered. I am the one who has had more
opportunities to show them my love than they have had to show me theirs, so
maybe it is only fair when they react or act so ungratefully.
Even still, I do not believe that children should live in
ignorance of our sacrifices; for if they do, how will they ever appreciate or
learn to really love us? I only love Jesus because He first loved me.
Even while I was still out there in the world sinning and grinning, Christ died
for me. That’s huge! I mean, what a sacrifice! He gave his life so that I could
live. It is that very sacrifice that makes me love Him, and appreciate him and
be grateful to him.
If you have sacrificed for your children they should know. Say
it, show it, display it, but do not ever hide it. It hurts to sacrifice for our
children and be taken for granted. Do not allow your children to take you for
granted. Let them know when you hurt and why. In this, they will learn more
compassion and how to be transparent themselves. A lot of us hide our hurts
because our parents hid theirs and their parents did the same; thereby,
creating a generation of people who cannot express their feelings. So they act out
instead: they drink, do drugs, cheat, get angry and abusive or just leave.
There are lots of women who simply left their families and
NEVER looked back. You may know one or heard of a few.
Love is not what you feel, it is what you do. Nothing can
teach this principle to our children better than sharing with them how they
make you feel when they act out of the character you are so dutifully attempting
to rear them in.
I refuse to raise
ungrateful scoundrels, who eat my cooking, suck up my nurturing, spend my
money, use up my love, throw out a “thank you mom”, and think that is enough. Um no! Along with expressing gratitude in
verbal form, our children must learn how to BE grateful and act accordingly.
Rolling of the eyes, sucking of the teeth, mumbling up under the breath and
talking under one’s breath are the EXACT OPPOSITE of gratitude. Instead, these
are hateful insults that cannot be tolerated.
The next time you notice some teenage angst, speak up! In a
calm voice and manner, because yelling will not do the trick. If you get
passionate about what you are saying and your voice goes up an octave or the
tears start to flow, that’s okay! You are a real
person, not just someone’s mother. Say what you need to say and then simply
walk away. Go into your room and pray, take a relaxing bubble bath, go outside
and pick some fruit or, go for a walk around the block, hit up an exercise class,
take a drive, maybe go to your local Starbucks and enjoy a yummy brew inhouse
sans the children. Do not turn on the television, do not eat your feelings
away, do not open a bottle of wine and drink your feelings away, do not start yelling
at the children about random things, do
not call up a friend to vent. Loudly. In front of the ungrateful teens you just
spoke to.
What you choose to do next should be something that either
relaxes you or energizes you in a positive
and healthy way.
If confronting your teens verbally about their behavior hurting
you makes you feel uneasy, write a letter! Write each child a letter expressing
yourself and letting them know they are free to come and talk you about the
letter, if need be. If they do not, no big deal. But you have created the
emotional boundaries needed to make them see you as a person who is affected by
their negative behavior. If the negative behavior continues: 1) enlist their
father’s help or the help of another masculine figure to discipline them for
their behavior, 2) Restrict their access to you and your voice. Be silent! Do
not talk to them as often, and when you do speak, keep your voice low and words
few. If you drop them to school or have to provide transportation, make other
arrangements for them or if they are old enough (16+), they can make arrangements
for themselves. Your change in behavior will not go unnoticed by your children
for long. After a few weeks (or days if you guys are super close) of this treatment,
your apology will come either as an “I am sorry” or in another way: super tight
hug, barrage of kisses, gift or special treat they know you like, or a reply to
your letter/what you said to them.
When it is clear the dust has settled and all is well, take
a moment to tell your child in private. Look him or her in the eye and be as
sincere as possible (if you have multiple children, this should be told to each
one privately): “Please know, I love you and I will always be here for you. But
I will not tolerate you mistreating me because I am doing my job of parenting
you. You cannot hug and kiss me one hour and then roll your eyes at me or slam
a door the next. That is emotionally abusive. You are free to feel your
feelings but you are not free to disrespect me”.
Welp, that’s all I got for now. I love you girl and until
next post, take good care of yourself. There’s only one you!
*Pelican symbolism: The pelican was believed to pierce its own breast with its beak and feed its young of its blood. This is just a myth ( I think!) but it became a symbol of Christ sacrificing himself for man – and because of this was frequently represented in Christian art. Alternatively, this bird
also teaches us to take it easy at times even in the most hectic times of our
lives. Make sure to make an effort to float through life and float through
your emotions. Savor each special moment. Have you taken the time to enjoy what
life has to offer in this moment?
Comments
Post a Comment