Compassion is in Session
Dear Feminine Woman,
You must teach your family to be compassionate. Compassionless children, compassionless husbands, compassionless family members are the number one cause of stress, tension, anxiety and depression in women. This is not a scientific fact, but I would put money on it.
A husband who lacks compassion lacks the ability to truly connect with his wife.
Children who lack compassion cannot share, cannot empathize, and cannot relate to anyone’s needs but their own
Family members who lack compassion will convince you to prioritize their desires over yours and their needs over your own often. You will be made to feel guilty (and possibly even alienated) if you do not.
Compassion is defined as “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it”. Synonyms include kindness, mercy, humanity, kindheartedness, sensitivity, understanding, benevolence.
I want a husband who alleviates my stress. I want a husband who notices my stress! And I want my children to care abut my stress, instead of coming up with ways to add to it.
It is your responsibility to teach your family kindness.
It is your responsibility to teach your family mercy.
It is your responsibility to teach your family humanity.
It is your responsibility to teach your family kindheartedness.
It is your responsibility to teach your family sensitivity.
It is your responsibility to teach your family understanding.
It is your responsibility to teach your family benevolence.
This is your job, Feminine Woman. Now, it is time to plan: how will you do this?
Ideas for Husband:
Give him backrubs/massages and sweetly request them in return
Be vulnerable and emotional in his presence. Cry (with visible tears!) as needed
Ask for help
Do not yell at, shout at, curse at, harass, abuse, or humiliate him. (Think about it: who would show compassion to such a person?)
Do not allow your husband (or anyone!) to yell at, shout at, curse at, harass, abuse or humiliate you.
**If you are being abused physically, emotionally, verbally please seek help immediately! Call 911! Call the National Victims Hotline: 1-800-799-7233. Tell trusted family members and/or friends. Do not isolate yourself during this time. You need support **
Celebrate him and praise him, in public and private.
Tell him with your words and show him with your actions that he is needed and appreciated
Tell him what you like, what makes you happy, what makes you feel special. When he does those things and more, make a BIG deal! If he misses the mark but you can tell he made a good effort to please you, make a BIG deal!
Refuse to whine, nag complain, be negative or be mean (that type of person will not inspire compassion from anyone but Jesus)
Use your feminine voice
Be silent (silence from feminine women intrigues masculine men. It can calm and nurture them too).
Ideas for Children:
Volunteer at church together
Serve the community together
Request help from your children with household chores
Share food and snacks regularly. If your sweet daughter has a bag of popcorn she should not be comfortable with eating it all by herself. Get children in the habit of asking if someone else would like some before gobbling food/snacks all up.
Make meals together
Give hugs and kisses
Share your hobbies and dreams with them so they view you as a person, not just their parent
Listen to them
Tell them what you like, what makes you happy, what makes you feel special. Ask them what they like, what makes them happy, and what makes them feel special.
Be emotional in their presence (note to singles: do not hide your tears. Your children/family/friends need to know you are not so strong. They need to know you hurt too. If they see this, they will treat you with more kindness and compassion. They will quit burdening you so much)
Apologize as needed. Be honest when you are wrong
Inform them when they have hurt your feelings or mistreated you (sending a text message or letter works too, if you hate confrontation)
Carve out “me” time in your home and let child/children know you are not to be disturbed (if you have young children, begin training them now). You should be able to sit on the sofa and read a few pages of a good book or lie on the floor beside him and just be while little Billy plays. You are not your child’s constant toy or playmate. You are his mother, who is a woman FIRST. And all women need moments to themselves to just be throughout the day.
Vary your communication styles: hand gestures, talk, text, note, smile, serious face, sing-songy voice, usage of your fave foreign language(s). These are all great ways to keep communication in the home fresh and fun. Do not always your voice; that is how they learn to ignore you/tune you out.
Refuse to yell at, curse at or humiliate them
Tell your children the truth: you are not a man, supermom, or superhuman and cannot/will not be all things to them. Show them your limits. Children who have a warped view of their parents tend to abuse those parents, in public and private. Refuse to be abused by your children (or anyone else for that matter!)
How do you (or will you) teach your family compassion?
You must teach your family to be compassionate. Compassionless children, compassionless husbands, compassionless family members are the number one cause of stress, tension, anxiety and depression in women. This is not a scientific fact, but I would put money on it.
A husband who lacks compassion lacks the ability to truly connect with his wife.
Children who lack compassion cannot share, cannot empathize, and cannot relate to anyone’s needs but their own
Family members who lack compassion will convince you to prioritize their desires over yours and their needs over your own often. You will be made to feel guilty (and possibly even alienated) if you do not.
Compassion is defined as “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it”. Synonyms include kindness, mercy, humanity, kindheartedness, sensitivity, understanding, benevolence.
I want a husband who alleviates my stress. I want a husband who notices my stress! And I want my children to care abut my stress, instead of coming up with ways to add to it.
It is your responsibility to teach your family kindness.
It is your responsibility to teach your family mercy.
It is your responsibility to teach your family humanity.
It is your responsibility to teach your family kindheartedness.
It is your responsibility to teach your family sensitivity.
It is your responsibility to teach your family understanding.
It is your responsibility to teach your family benevolence.
This is your job, Feminine Woman. Now, it is time to plan: how will you do this?
Ideas for Husband:
Give him backrubs/massages and sweetly request them in return
Be vulnerable and emotional in his presence. Cry (with visible tears!) as needed
Ask for help
Do not yell at, shout at, curse at, harass, abuse, or humiliate him. (Think about it: who would show compassion to such a person?)
Do not allow your husband (or anyone!) to yell at, shout at, curse at, harass, abuse or humiliate you.
**If you are being abused physically, emotionally, verbally please seek help immediately! Call 911! Call the National Victims Hotline: 1-800-799-7233. Tell trusted family members and/or friends. Do not isolate yourself during this time. You need support **
Celebrate him and praise him, in public and private.
Tell him with your words and show him with your actions that he is needed and appreciated
Tell him what you like, what makes you happy, what makes you feel special. When he does those things and more, make a BIG deal! If he misses the mark but you can tell he made a good effort to please you, make a BIG deal!
Refuse to whine, nag complain, be negative or be mean (that type of person will not inspire compassion from anyone but Jesus)
Use your feminine voice
Be silent (silence from feminine women intrigues masculine men. It can calm and nurture them too).
Ideas for Children:
Volunteer at church together
Serve the community together
Request help from your children with household chores
Share food and snacks regularly. If your sweet daughter has a bag of popcorn she should not be comfortable with eating it all by herself. Get children in the habit of asking if someone else would like some before gobbling food/snacks all up.
Make meals together
Give hugs and kisses
Share your hobbies and dreams with them so they view you as a person, not just their parent
Listen to them
Tell them what you like, what makes you happy, what makes you feel special. Ask them what they like, what makes them happy, and what makes them feel special.
Be emotional in their presence (note to singles: do not hide your tears. Your children/family/friends need to know you are not so strong. They need to know you hurt too. If they see this, they will treat you with more kindness and compassion. They will quit burdening you so much)
Apologize as needed. Be honest when you are wrong
Inform them when they have hurt your feelings or mistreated you (sending a text message or letter works too, if you hate confrontation)
Carve out “me” time in your home and let child/children know you are not to be disturbed (if you have young children, begin training them now). You should be able to sit on the sofa and read a few pages of a good book or lie on the floor beside him and just be while little Billy plays. You are not your child’s constant toy or playmate. You are his mother, who is a woman FIRST. And all women need moments to themselves to just be throughout the day.
Vary your communication styles: hand gestures, talk, text, note, smile, serious face, sing-songy voice, usage of your fave foreign language(s). These are all great ways to keep communication in the home fresh and fun. Do not always your voice; that is how they learn to ignore you/tune you out.
Refuse to yell at, curse at or humiliate them
Tell your children the truth: you are not a man, supermom, or superhuman and cannot/will not be all things to them. Show them your limits. Children who have a warped view of their parents tend to abuse those parents, in public and private. Refuse to be abused by your children (or anyone else for that matter!)
How do you (or will you) teach your family compassion?
Awesome read. I got some good nuggets from this!!!
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