Leaving Home

Dear Dreamer,

I once heard a pastor say, “In life, you will experience more kindness among strangers than family”. He’s right, I thought. But why is that?

Maybe we have tired our families out with our failures (failed attempts, failed marriages, failed dreams). Maybe our families are pessimists. Maybe our families dislike us. Maybe our families are jealous of us. Maybe our families are tired of believing in us.

Who is “us” you may ask? Dreamers: those people who set out to conquer their city, country, town, industry, or world because they have a dream. A dream to be the first, the greatest, the best or the brightest. And maybe they make it. Or maybe they don’t. But what dreamers quickly find is that they experience more kindness amongst strangers than family. Family may refuse to give a dime to your endeavors, strangers will give millions. Family may demand that you stop dreaming and just live a regular life, strangers insist you keep the dream alive and refuse to settle. Family may refuse to talk to you again until you start behaving the way they want you to behave, strangers call you original, innovative and brilliant.

If you are going to set out and tackle your dream, you will first have to get used to redefining “family”. Yes blood is blood, but “strangers” who support you, pray for you and with you, fund your dreams, give you breaks, demand that you never give up, check on you throughout your journey to ensure you are still winning, make sure you have enough groceries or gas so you don’t go hungry or miss that big interview…. these strangers will soon be the ones who become your new family.

Before you know it, names like “sister”, “brother”, “mom”, “dad” just roll off your tongue and it doesn’t feel weird at all. It doesn’t feel weird at all because those people in life who have ever set out to do the new, the impossible, the incredible, the unthinkable soon find themselves upsetting the folks they always thought would have their back. Who they thought would always be there to support them in whatever crazy schemes they came up with.

So what does dreaming and the feminine lifestyle have to do with one another? Everything! Especially if women in your family are not particularly feminine. Or if they’re feminine but can’t understand your need for marriage, love, children, etc. Whenever we set out to do a new thing we must be ready to encounter resistance from those closest to us. We must be ready to encounter resistance from our families. It won’t be easy. It won’t feel good. But if you are married to your dream you will have to leave home (physically, emotionally, mentally, etc) in order to be great.

That’s a little scary, I know. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I fail? What if my family never wants to deal with me again? Don’t let fear ruin an amazing opportunity; if we let it, fear will take our entire lifetime and we never reach the destinations we knew we could. Family is typically our comfort zone, but often what keeps us comfortable, keeps us stagnant.

Because I’ve ignored fear, I have been able to see more, do more, and have more than I ever thought possible. Life is not perfect, but I have no regrets. I have no regrets because I’ve set out to do most everything I’ve wanted to do. I’m only 34 so there is still much more life to live. On this journey to marriage and being who God created me to be, “family” has really been redefined for me. So this post was written as a warning. You are not crazy for wanting to do something different. To want to be someplace else. To want to do the impossible, unthinkable or incredible. You are simply being true to yourself. Keep going, keep striving, and trust that you will meet (and exceed!) your mark. Abundance is all around you and you will have what you need and MORE.

Love,

A Fellow Dreamer